To preface, I am not only a SAHM, but an Autism Mom- so my playing field is a smudge tilted, however, I can say with all certainly that I still understand even what moms of typical kids go through.
Now, I know working moms and people without kids who work 40-60 hrs a week probably think when they hear that phrase. "Yeah, right" and they probably roll their eyes and feel secretly slighted that "their" jobs aren't easy, and how rude to insinuate that SAHMs have it so much worse. How hard can it be, right?!
Wrong. Life, generally speaking, is hard. As for the SAHM bit- let me give some insight on that.
You see, those who are not SAHMs probably think "what could be so hard?!"
I mean, we get to roll out of bed, stay in sweats because there is no mandated dress-code, we don't have to wait for a corporate-allowed ten minute break to have our coffee or use the restroom, makeup is optional, we essentially 'create' our own schedule and there is no one but ourselves to disappoint when we don't accomplish the set 'daily tasks'.
All this is true. But it isn't really THAT simple.
If you've ever heard the phrase "too much of a good thing", that can also be applied here.
Sure, it's fantastic wearing pajamas until 10am, being present for every adorable thing our kids do, and being able to approach the daily needs at our own rate. But before long, we drown- yes drown- in the world of doing everything for everyone else and not ourselves. It's a slippery slope, my friends.
We don't NEED to get dressed up, we don't NEED help because we "only" watch kids all day, we don't NEED a break because we can take one whenever we want.
*pause to laugh*
In reality, we miss getting dressed up and mingling with coworkers that we aren't married to, we miss uninterrupted ten minute breaks every four hours, we miss mandated work requirements that aren't skewed by diapers and tantrums and needy kids who don't care what we want to accomplish.
When we feel overwhelmed, we can't just go to corporate and ask for help, there are no raises, and when we don't remotely accomplish our to do lists the person who beats us up the most is ourselves.
Unless you spend 24/7, sun-up to sun-down taking care of babies and toddlers and kids without even peeing alone, don't tell me my job isn't hard. Just, don't.
I also feel the need to remind you, I have been both. I worked as a mom, and I have worked only as being a mom. Both have their regrets and joys, let me tell you. One is not superior, and by that I mean, neither role makes us better parents or humans or people deserving of magnitudes of respect or envy.
They are just so damn different.
But, as I alluded to earlier, being a SAHM typically is considered so hard because it is the most unappreciated, toil some, exhausting job in the world because it is the job that never ends. You really can get too much of a good thing, my friends.
To complete my argument, I will give you my yesterday.
6:45am- woke up. Made coffee. Tiptoed (yes, I crept like a ninja) outside to have a smoke. (No, not all moms smoke and I'm not defending the use of tobacco, I'm just telling you MY day)
6:55am- packed a diaper bag, got kids dressed while they were practically asleep, made pancakes and juice cups, grabbed some books.
7:15am- whole family in the car, drove daddy to work.
8:45am- home. Kids won't walk, I carry purse, diaper bag, and two kids into the house. One kid doesn't want to come in. Tantrum.
9:15am- Curious George let's mommy sneak out with a coffee and a smoke.
9:19am- get a kid off the entertainment center. He screams, he hits me, time out.
9:30am- everyone is calm again. Coloring books and markers are being used.
9:45am- I'm cleaning marker off the stove and fridge, and another tantrum because I took the markers away.
10:10am- one kid gets butt-ass naked and is standing on the vanity trying to poop. (Don't ask me the logic in this.)
Diaper on. Refuses to stay off vanity, both kids removed from master bedroom. Tantrum. Hitting mommy- time out. I walk away out of sheer frustration as they both howl in the hallway.
10:15am- all towels and items on bottom two shelves of hall bookcase are thrown everywhere and kid only in diaper has reached in and is playing with his poop.
Yeah.
10:50am- towels cleaned up, poop cleaned up, kid cleaned up, snacks distributed. I cry for the first time that day.
11:15am- I finally do some dishes. And laundry.
Noon- I make lunch, kids spill plates and food everywhere, have a giggle fit and run crazy like tornados.
12:30pm- vacuum. Pick up. Oh look! There IS carpet in my living room.
12:45am- I finally wander into the bathroom to spray off the 6 (yes, six) poopy cloth diapers that have accumulated during the morning.
Someone screams, exit bathroom to break up a fight between toddlers.
1pm- I finally eat.
1:30pm- living room looks like I never touched it. Continue laundry and dishes.
2pm- someone pulled all the books off the bookshelf in the foyer. Pretzels and goldfish are smashed into the carpet.
Vacuum, again.
2:30pm- someone hits me with a toy train track when frustrated. Yelling. Timeout. Other kid wants attention, pulls my pants down trying to get my attention. Has Autistic meltdown because his diaper is dirty for the 5th time and I didn't stop reprimanding little one when he wanted to "tell" me this. Takes off poopy diaper. I cry for the second time as I clean up poop and strong-arm still-upset kid who will step in it. Both stop crying to laugh at mommy crying.
3pm- Little finally naps. Big Little plays quietly and reads books while Mommy watches tv and finishes cleaning kitchen and folding towels.
4pm- awake kid will not stop climbing on top of bedroom armoire. Again removed from room, tantrum, etc.
decide I cant shower, so I wash my armpits and shampoo my hair bending over the tub.
4:35pm- begin re packing diaper bag. Find new clothes for both kids, pick up living room AGAIN. Decide not to vacuum (though it needs it) because Little is still sleeping.
4:45pm- sneak outside for a smoke and have a soda. Come back in, finish spraying poopy diapers in bathroom that I left that morning. Ignore all other messes. (Towels are all over floor in hall again)
5:15pm- get one kid dressed. Get second kid dressed. First kid is naked by the time I finish second kid. Try again, get both dressed. Can't find car keys. Finally find car keys in toy chest. Somehow get both kids and self into car to go pick up daddy from work.
6:45pm- home.
7:10pm- head to grocery store alone. Rush because- it's late.
7:40pm- home. Hide on back porch with a beer. I relax. Finally. Briefly.
8-10pm- diapers, husband makes dinner, distract kids while trying to finish redbox movie from a day ago. Miss a lot, oh well. Pick up toys again.
Midnight- fall asleep watching Teaching Mrs Tingle on living room floor with arm tucked under sleeping kid.
Yes indeed, life of luxury, right?!
No one said kids were easy, being a parent is hard no matter how much of your day you are with them. But even more, living every single moment of your day doing things for other people- forgoing showers, and trying not to lose it when you're defied by the tiny people who defy you constantly, making space for everyone's needs and very often forgetting your own needs- is wearing on your innermost soul.
Meanwhile, everyone thinks "she has ALL day to do everything at her own rate".
Hah. It's laughable. Absolutely damn laughable.
I didn't accomplish near what I wanted to yesterday, not even close. My legs need to be shaved, the toy room is trashed, the dishwasher was never unloaded, there is a basket of clothes I never folded, and I didn't clean up after dinner. I was going constantly, cried twice, cleaned up numerous times despite the condition of the home, and NOONE SAID THANK YOU once.
Do I hate it?
Nope. I love it. Which means only one thing- I am crazy. Certifiable. Strange.
And a SAHM.
But I'd much rather be a SAHM than a deep sea diver, or a crab fisherman, or a fireman or a garbage truck driver. Hardest? That's debatable.
Hard? Absolutely.
Sm
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