Pre-Parenting

Before you become a parent, you have a vision in your head of exactly what kind of parent you will be.

It doesn't matter if you've been a nanny, or watched your cousin for three whole days, or babysat seven children regularly or if your sister had four kids during your teenage years- You may THINK you already have a solid grasp on parenting and how easy or hard it will be, and that you just know how you will handle every situation even before they present themselves.

Well let me shatter that ridiculous pipe dream right out of the gate; You are wrong.

All childless people have a romantic, classic Leave-it-to-Beaver, clean house and well behaved children picture in their heads, and I apologize, but that is just stupid. Really, don't be offended. It happened to me too, so I'm not judging.

I was in total bliss when I was pregnant with my first child. I would rub my expanding belly and fold adorable baby blankets in our impeccable nursery with matching bedding and cute little framed pictures of monkeys and alphabets and dream about how amazing my life was going to be, and what an amazing mother I was going to be. The smell of fresh banana bread as I did dishes and my cute little munchkin would sit on a pretty blanket in the living room and coo and giggle at me as I did dishes and soft music would be playing and then Daddy would come home from work and smile and kiss me on the cheek and be in awe of my crazy awesome parenting and housewifery.

Yeah, I pause to roll my eyes at myself. Feel free to do the same.

Fast forward four and half years- and here I am writing a blog about surviving parenthood in the same clothes I put on two days ago, I can't remember when I showered last, last night's dinner dishes are still scattered about the kitchen, and my Autistic four year old is dismantling the couch for the umpteenth time this morning as my one year old is dancing to a Yo Gabba Gabba song that is so ingrained in my brain that I very well may be humming it on my deathbed.

There is no scent of banana bread wafting throughout the house, rather the smell of the diaper pail and possibly rotting bananas from the fruit basket on the counter, and there is giggling to be heard, but at the expense of my unfortunately messy living room only getting messier.

Now, let me surmise this relatively horrifying depiction for any soon-to-be-parents just so as not to frighten you too much. While I sound terribly morose about this situation, that really isn't my intention. Frankly, you don't need me to break down your preconceived visions of parenting because you like all before you and after you, and me, will do that all on their own. It's a rite of passage.
Letting go of what you thought would be and accepting what IS 24/7, round the clock, joy and Hells's wrath- actual true parenting.

There will be days you just barely survive, and days you will finish and be so content and happy because, wow. You had an amazing day. Either way, you will look at that little monster you made as they sleep and you won't even care if you didn't clean the bathroom or make blueberry muffins that day. All that will matter is that you made it.

Don't misconstrue my words either, because while some of what I originally dreamed was dead ass wrong, but fact is not all of it was. The most important thing to remember is that no matter how much reality and your dreams differ, you aren't actually failing. You're living. There is a difference.

And on that- if you don't FEEL like you're failing sometimes, you're doing it wrong. Because no one does it, and I mean absolutely no one, does it right all the time. It's impossible. And when daddy comes home tonight, if my house isn't pristine? That's okay too. He is a parent, and he will still kiss me on the cheek and hug the kids and eat his tuna fish sandwich without a word because it's another day done, survived, and overcome. And that, my friends, is all that matters.


So when I go into the bathroom in an hour or so, and wonder why I still haven't cleaned the toilet, a second later someone will start banging on the door screaming and I will remember why. I'm a mom.

I'm not perfect. I can't do it all, and it all won't get done. But we will see tomorrow, and there will be laughter and tears (theirs and mine!) and that's sufficient. Thats enough. I wont let my expectations ruin reality or what actually is life and parenting for me. And if I can do that, and let that go, than anyone can.